there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
