??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
