i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize