Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
