so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
