im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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