ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
