ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't deserve a penis
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
