it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
