Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
