I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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