Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
