Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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