I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize