The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
