what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
zippers are such a cool invention
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
