think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
