She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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