Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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