i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
smell my finger.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
