Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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