i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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