Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
