i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
