oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
