I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh god the rape fog is back!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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