She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
