maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sext me about skeletons
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
