just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
3pm strippers are depressing
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
