There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
