i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
