but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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