i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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