I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
