My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
