My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
