Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize