remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
