I hate your face
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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