It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
