Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
