i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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