Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
