There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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