Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize