I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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