I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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