I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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