So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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