All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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