yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
