i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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