I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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