I just made out with a guy for $7.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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