my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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