just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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