Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
