Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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