she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Boobs speak an international language.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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