i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
