Got a toothbrush?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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