Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize