Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
