i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
