you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
