I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
