i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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