i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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