If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
