It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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