I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
