how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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