There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
